I'm sick of Xanga.

I'm serious...I'm tired of always having to "update" on my life. I feel like I'm just posting for people who have stopped talking to me or those that I am no longer close w/ anymore so they have to read my xanga in order to keep up with what's going on in my life. Heh...and that's just not fair because those people should just start talking to me again. I used to think Xanga was a form of communication, but now I think it's a form of MIS-communication. If that's even a thing. I'm just tired of never being able to put pictures up or make my layout cool, so whatever...I know my xanga's lame and everything, but its ok now because I'm probably not going to post anymore. I think I'm pretty much done here. Maybe on somedays when I'm feeling in a "venting" mood, I'll post...because it's not like I keep another kinda journal anyway so I'll have to vent somewhere.

So since this will be the last post for awhile, I guess I'll tell all of you what I did today. Woke up around 12:30...no surprise there...then took a shower, ate breakfast/lunch, looked at some college stuff, watched tv, then Josh called and now we're at his house hanging out, making cds.

Ehh..ok, thats all. Oh, and basically I've just been being a bum these days. Nothing's changed. See ya.

-Addy

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

Ahh...its officially Christmas! I'm still up..woot! And, yep. Thats me as a baby. My other profile picture was pretty old, it was like a year or so ago. Anyway, today I just spent the day at my aunt's house w/ my mom and we had our traditional Christmas dinner. Man, it was way worse than Thanksgiving. There was way more food!! It was crazy! I ate more this time too. I was soooooo stuffed. It was like glutiny the whole night because even though I knew I was full, stuff just kept looking so good to me and there were so many things to eat I just had to try everything!!! Man, it was horrible! I was extremely fat tonight.

Anyway, then I came home around 10:00 and I waited up for my brother w/ my mom and my sister..we watched Bad Santa..I love that movie! So funny. Then my brother came home around midnight w/ Jordan, Bach, and Josh. POSH!! I haven't seen him since he left for Ohio! So much hair!!! LOL But it looks good. He looks so mature and different. I'm glad he likes Ohio. And I have him his xmas present...and then my brother opened his from me. It was a KILL BILL poster, but he already knew that because he saw it before I wrapped it, that lil' bastahd!!!!! But anyway, so traditionally we all open one present on Christmas Eve, so I opened mine from my mom and its the coolest Ezekiel sweatshirt!!! I don't have any Ezekiel clothing but its the weirdest thing that I got it (you might not look too much into this or think its that weird, but I do)...because I love the name Ezekiel and I've always wanted to name my son that, if I ever have one. And the sweatshirt is GREEN, only the awesomest color ever! It was so weird, and thats why I think its like the coolest present ever. I love IT!!!

Ok, wow..I'm going all dilerious because I'm so tired and I'm thinking all these random thoughts....I really miss all the people I used to talk to and be close with. Especially during this time of year. You know who you are too, so anyway: I miss you....geez...I gotta get to bed lol.

"Last Christmas I gave you my heart, but the very next day you gave it away...this year to save me my tears, I'll give it to someone special"

I love that song  =D

Happy Holidays!

Geez...its almost Christmas. Doesnt even feel like it to me. It needs to snow so we can have a winter wonderland. Snowball fight!!! So anyway, I've been having crazy dreams the past few days. They've all been really weird and crazy and stuff, but they're all about testing my feelings about Matt for some reason. I dunno what they're supposed to mean exactly but whatever...

So the other day I did the lamest thing. I read all of my old posts and it was really weird. It's a weird feeling to go back and read what I wrote and remember exactly how I felt about a certain place or event or thing or person, because everything's so different nowadays. It was kinda sad too. It made me really sad to read all of them and know that things are so different in my life now. But the more it made me sad the more lame I felt...hahha. Oh geez, I need to get out more.

Today I've done nothing...Katrina called me at like 1 and woke me up lol. Then I had to go to Kent and drop off my fundraiser stuff at my aunt's and now I'm home cleaning and cooking. The last few days of this winter break I've just been staying in every night and watching tv at my house w/ Katrina and Matt. Katrina mostly though. Ehh..sometimes I'm just not in the mood to go out. Especially because I'm broke and I'm basically done w/ all my x-mas shopping.

Gahh!! More cleaning!!

-Addy

I LOVE EVERYONE WHO SIGNED THAT CARD FOR ME...THANK YOU!

Yeah, that card that all of you guys signed made me feel really special. =D  I felt so crappy on Friday and I just got that card today, Alisha dropped it off (along w/ Napoleon Dynamite- heck yes! That made me feel a lot better too lol). Hehe...anyway, I'm still a little sick but getting better. I've lost alot of weight because I haven't had an appetite. Ehh...its a good thing I guess. So it also disappointed me a little bit on Saturday because some people that I really wanted to come to my party didn't show up. For no reason. It really hurt my feelings too, when you didn't call me when you said you were going to and then it hurt me even more to find out that you skipped hanging out with me to go to Gordy's. The reason I even wanted all my girlfriends at my house was because it's Christmas time and I wanted to spend time with all my friends cause I love all of you guys and I can't afford presents this year or anything...but whatever, I guess it meant more to me than you.

Ok, besides hurt feelings...lately, I've been thinking about the past alot. Probably because the fact of going to college and growing up and moving on is becoming so real to me. But I've been thinking about all these memories so much that I'm finding it hard to get close to someone. Maybe I don't want to because I don't wanna have to face the inevitable...the "goodbye" part. Grr...I hate that part. Sometimes I wish things would never change. I wish things could last forever.

Oh well...ok, I gotta get to sleep. <3

"Six dollars...that's like a dollar an hour!" -Napoloen Dynamite

Mmm...NyQuil.

Yep. I'm sick...guhh. Being sick sucks. But I love NyQuil, it always does the trick. So anyway, its been like a week since I last posted so heres a catchup:

Last Saturday me and Katrina DID have our lil movie marathon @ her house w/ Marcoe, Grant, Mike, and Sayer. We watched like 4 movies in a row and ate chips and cookies and ice cream. Ahh...it felt good to just hang out like little kids again. I love all those guys! Theryre so awesome because they always make me laugh and make me feel like I can be myself. I think we watched Saving Silverman, Best of Will Ferrell SNL, Dodgeball, and National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation...they were all pretty sweet movies. Sadly, at the end of the night when Marcoe took me home...nothing happened. But all in good time, no rush  =D  Then this past week has been somewhat interesting...full of creepy, weirdo, old guys...and new hookups...and people I rarely think about these days popping up in my dreams...and vague expressions of love here and there...but today, OH MAN! Today was like the worst I've ever felt at school. I pretty much felt unappreciated because I gave all of my friends Christmas cards and some more than others made me feel pretty shitty about it because they acted like they didn't care. I hate when people, especially my "friends", are fake to me. Its wrong, and mean, and ugly. I was so sad and bummed out that I even started tearing up in 4th period and had to leave the room. I started crying in the hallway and Gracie and Alisha chased after me to try to make me feel better. I don't even really know why I cried except that I know I was sad because I felt like I'm the only one realizing that this is our last year together, and I just wanted to let all of my friends know how much they mean to me and how much I care about them. And its Christmas time and what better time to tell people stuff like that, right? But Grant made me feel better today because he gave me my Christmas present, which was The Beatles: Revolver cd. So awesome. I listened to it when I got home and it made me feel alot better. The Beatles always make me feel better. Thanks Grant  =D  And talking to my real friends made me feel better too.

So anyway, tomorrow I'm having my girlfriends over for a little Christmas get-together. Movies, food...yum. I hope they all show up. It would make me really happy  =D =D =D

So the NyQuil is starting to kick in...better get to bed. Its pretty late anyway. If you're reading this and you're someone whom I haven't spoken to in a long time or we've lost touch or something, call me. I'm on winter break now so Im UP FOR GRABS! Lol.

"A couple nights or so you know you pop into my dreams...I just can't get rid of you like you got rid of me." Ben Folds<< my exact feelings this week. =/

-Addy